. . . you start thinking that Charmin's 24-roll pack of t.p. is JUST NOT BIG ENOUGH!!
. . . your family is convinced your weight loss is due to being HIV positive.
. . . your GI is more familiar with you "down there" than your spouse.
. . . you start eating "no-no" foods trying to lose your prednisone weight.
. . . you don't know if the bleeding is from the IBD or your period.
. . . you spend so much time in the bathroom that you buy a cordless phone to take with you.
. . . your friends say, "gee, I wish I could have THAT disease for 2 months" (to lose weight).
. . . you go to the drugstore to buy yourself sanitary napkins, and you are male.
. . . you buy liquid Immodium in 55 gallon drums.
. . . animals will NOT go in YOUR bathroom.
. . . you tamp when you used to wipe.
. . . normal food is seen on TV...not in your fridge.
. . . you know the location of every public bathroom in town.
. . . your road atlas is marked with a red "X" for each public rest stop.
. . . you find yourself shopping for brown underwear.
. . . you and your baby share the same food.
. . . your pharmacist says, "I see you more than I see my husband!"
. . . your kids do not have to look for you, they just go directly to the bathroom and panic if you are not in there.
. . . a major decision about the family is decided while the whole family surrounds me on the toilet.
. . . you are calling your GI doctor 1/2 hour after you have just seen him in his office, because something new has popped up on the ride home.
. . . everytime you see the word "regular" you cross your fingers and say a little prayer.
. . . you use a toilet with more than one cubicle, and as soon as you open your sphincter, everyone else makes a hasty exit.
. . . you always *know* you're the most tight-arsed person in the room :-)
. . . when you're walking down the street and people ask if you're doing a John Wayne impression.
. . . in the middle of sloppy sex you discover it REALLY IS sloppy sex.
. . . you're leaving the bathroom and have to turn right around and go back in.
. . . in crowded public restrooms, you automatically flush BEFORE you "go", to drown out the noise.
. . . in your dictionary, "barium" and "colyte" are 4-letter words.
. . . your sphincter muscles are more finely tuned than an Indy car.
. . . you call your folks and friends to brag about your solid BM's.
. . . the family's dinner conversation usually includes a discussion of everyone's daily poop.
. . . you live in the suburbs and have to add an extension onto your septic system.
...you carry your own personalized toilet seat on your back wherever you go.
...you get up in the morning and your skin has changed colors.
...you eat supper and can make left-overs even when you've eaten it all. (gross, but true. )
...you drop a bomb and then a real one within one minute. (Not sure what this one means, myself. )
...you REALLY enjoy a normal bowel movement.
...you plug up the toilet without even using arse wipe.
...you start wearing diapers to bed. Again.
...you use a different excuse every time you go to use the facilities.
...you take your dog for a walk and carry two bags.